Monday 6 May 2013

Codependency

hmmm, I am a hopeless codependent. What a sad statement. The more I try to let go of my son and let him make some choices on his own, the more I realize that I too, have a problem. Codependency. Melody Beattie's Definition of codependency is " A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."I told my son on Friday that I cannot talk to him any more until he decides to get some help, there is nothing left to say, hardest thing for a mother to do, ever. I know I am doing the right thing, the only thing I can do. This is it, the end of the road, there really isn't anything else I can do. This is extremely hard for a mother, but for a codependent mother, who is addicted to trying to get control over her son's addiction, this is really a problem. I, too, have to learn to let go of an addiction, my addiction to try to help my son. I have a normal relationship with my daughter. I am not obsessing with her treatment, I have let her go to take control of her own treatment, I trust her, I have faith that she will be ok, more than ok, she will do great. What is the difference? I haven't lost my daughter. I feel like I have lost my son. Quote from Melody Beattie's Book Codependent No More " For each of us, there comes a time to let go. You will know when that time has come. When you have done all that you can do, it is time to detach. Deal with your feelings. Face your fears about losing control. Gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to be who they are. In so doing, you will set yourself free."Breathe.
Phot credit, once again, Recovery and Hope Facebook page, thanks;)


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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous7 May 2013 at 11:50

    Detaching with love, as they say. I am an alcoholic, and I do have some codependency traits in me. Many of us do. We people please, which means we try to control others and our own reactions so that they will approve of us - to find acceptance from the external (others) rather than ourselves. Slightly different than what it is you and other family of addicts go through, but I do relate in some ways when I read posts like this. Letting go and letting someone do their thing is tough - and while I can't say I have the experience of doing what you're doing (so well, by the way!) I can empathize. We are addicted to a substance, and you are addicted to us. Family illness, is why they call alcoholism / addiction. But you have some tools with you and it's not always easy, but many many parents do this. And what you're doing is great, and your attitude and perception are great.

    Very inspiring.

    Blessings,
    Paul

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  2. Unknown9 May 2013 at 12:07

    Thanks so much, for your support. It really does help to hear your comments. Every single thing I do, as a parent of an addict, is the hardest thing ever. There is so much uncertainty in life, especially in addiction. There is so much advice, so much to read, every situation is so different, it is really hard to make decisions when we just don't know what the outcome will be. I am learning that I have to make the decisions that let me sleep at night, that brings me some peace in my own heart, right or wrong, I guess we will never really know for sure. I choose to keep hope & faith and am trying to keep positive thoughts in the forefront of my mind.
    Thanks again,
    yours in recovery,
    Trish

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