Feeling normal in a world of chaos

Oh life for us parents in recovery is so far from normal most of the time I think we actually forget what real normal feels like. 

My daughter said to me this weekend " I can't even imagine what it must be like to be in a family where everything is normal. Imagine Mama what it must be like to have kids who just are normal with two real parents and no crisis and addiction and court, is that normal for someone? "

I think we have started to adjust to our "normal" and that kind of freaks me out a bit. This is not normal! Expecting crisis isn't normal, but what is normal? Everyone has their "stuff". 

What I have realized is that I am much stronger that I ever thought possible. 

I have realized that we really are powerless over another person's addiction. 

I have realized that we can live some kind of normal even when our life is upside down and inside out. 

I have realized that I don't need to take blame or feel ashamed of my parenting skills and that this isn't "my fault". 

Today, I had a normal day. A day that if you didn't know me, you would never guess how torn I feel inside or how "not normal" my life is, but today was a good day, full of fun and joy. My day might even be envied by some. Interesting how little we all know about our neighbors, friends and family's "normals". How impossible it is to know what people experience day to day. Maybe there is no "normal" after all. 

Today's affirmation: I find the joy in the little things that make my life beautiful. 

The Upside Down~Inside Out

The roller coaster of emotions; of fear and anxiety is enough to make a parent feel like crawling under the covers and never coming out. Why is it that these youth just can't see the number of people who care about them and are reaching out to try to help them? When they get to the point where help is offered and help is offered and they still kick their heels, do you actually give up? What about when you honestly feel that your child's rock bottom could be....death. When you really believe in your heart that if you make that final move of saying "I cannot and will not accept your addiction and these behaviors any longer" means that could help them hit their bottom and you believe with all your being that rock bottom could be six feet under, then what? What parent can honestly say "Ok I can't take this heart ache any longer, I am ready to bury my child"? 

It is all the What if's....What if they don't make it? What if they really do die? What if that move helps them to reach out for help? What if? I have never been a gambler and I just cannot take that risk. What I am doing is not working. What everyone around him is doing is not working. I guess this is when we say "ok it is up to you, there is nothing we can do, you need to decide for yourself and be prepared to suffer the consequences", then I guess it is time to say I love you and believe in you and know you are worthy of more than this, I will be here to help you when you are ready. That's it. There is no more than that. 

Today is a low day on my roller coaster. Some days, I just want off. 

 Affirmation for today: I believe that my son has what he needs to overcome his addiction.I believe that day will come.

Living in the Peace

I have realized that peace can be many different things. When a parent of a teen with an addiction says that it is "quiet" this can mean peace. Even through much turmoil in the life of addiction we must seek out peace. It is there hiding in a good walk, a bubble bath, a glass of wine, a conversation or coffee with a friend, a playdate with a young child, a snuggle with the hubby. There are many moments of peace in my life. I have learned to cherish every one of them, even when it seems as though my life may be falling apart.

 This IS MY life too! If I give in to every crisis and let it ruin me and take away my peace, then the addiction wins. I am in control of my peace. I may be powerless over my son's addiction, I may be powerless over what happens in his life at the moment but I am not powerless. I have the power to make my life what I want. 

 Today's affirmation is "I know that I can create peace in my life, I choose to feel peace and put myself in peaceful situations daily."

Picture credit: Recovery and hope Facebook page

Awareness~Crack Cocaine

Just say the word Crack and I shudder at the thought of our youth getting messed up in this tangled web of destruction. That is what it is: pure destruction. "Crack is the most potent form in which cocaine appears and is also the riskiest." Drugfreeworld booklet Smoking crack will bring on a very intense and very short lived high. Addiction develops more quickly if this drug is smoked, many become addicted after only using once! Once they experience the high, they will do anything to experience that high again. Crack is relatively cheap compared to cocaine, this is why we will see many youth get addicted to this drug. The problem is that the high is so short lived and the user will need more and more of the drug to achieve that high again so the user is always seeking the drug and money to get it, often resorting to anything to get the money they need, including selling drugs, crime, stealing ANYTHING from ANYONE. Trust me when I say this, someone addicted to crack will do things for money you would never think possible. This is a very DANGEROUS and SELFISH drug. 

The short lived intense high from crack is followed by intense depression and severe craving for the drug. Users don't eat or sleep normally.There are many short and long term effects from using crack cocaine. This drug is a life-destroyer! 

  Parents: It is normal to see the signs and deny it at first, it is normal to see the signs and refuse to believe it at first, but If you notice extreme mood swings, sleeping and eating changes, money and sellable items missing from your home, missing spoons, even disappearing baking soda,(crack can be made heating baking soda and water & cocaine in a spoon) these are signs that there may be trouble. It is also normal to think that crack isn't a problem here in our community, I can tell you that is not true. Crack IS a problem, crack IS a threat to our youth!

This picture is from an Internet search, if this picture belons to you and you do not wish it to appear on this blog for educational purposes, MSG me and it will promptly be removed. 

Addiction is a LIVING Hell!

Listening to my daughter tell me of girl after girl leaving treatment and relapsing, sitting and listening to parents tell of their children relapsing, reading on Facebook about the kids I've known to be in treatment and relapsing. Sometimes it's hard to be hopeful. Sometimes it just catches up with you and you wonder....can we really do anything to help these kids? Today I'm sad. Deep down, on the inside, I'm still happy and grateful for all the wonderful things in my life, but in the surface, I feel sad and a bit lost. 

Last night while we were gone to get my daughter some excitement took place in our neighborhood. When we arrived home, we arrived to our front yard being torn up by an obvious large vehicle traveling at inappropriately high speed through the corner of our yard and in through the park behind our house. My first thought: another reckless teenager spinning out in the empty parking lot behind our house. My daughter: I'll bet it's someone we know, I think it was on purpose. Nah! We aren't living that nightmare anymore was my feeling. 

In about 10 minutes when a police car pulled up in front of my house, well, I figured I just hope it has nothing to do with my son. 

The police said some witnesses had called and they know it to be a young male who's in a pile of trouble, in a stolen vehicle tearing up the streets of Riverview. My first assumption was an old friend of my sons who is, for some reason, drawn like a magnet to my son, and to trouble. I already was told two days ago that he had run away from the group home and had a ton of charges and wanted by the police. Yup, I was right. The deeply disturbing part of this for me, why is this young (now 18 year old) performing this type of destructive behavior and stealing a vehicle and showing up in places he knows will get him deeper and deeper in serious trouble? Why? I was asked to press charges, icing on the cake of the law, to help put this young man away. I declined. I have seen how little the law does to help any of us, I don't need this disturbed teenager to have a reason to hate me when released from jail. However, I quickly picked up my phone to call my son. Beg him to please stay away from this boy tonight, he is in a lot of trouble and NOTHING good will come out of him being with him tonight, nothing. 

Why would anyone not heed that warning? What would make someone decide to hang out with him anyways? What could they possibly be thinking setting foot in that stolen vehicle knowing that this can only lead to trouble? I have a lot of unanswered questions. Most of the answers probably begin with drugs. 

All I will say is that I went to bed grateful last night, knowing that the police would not be ringing my doorbell to tell me my son had been killed in an accident, knowing that no one would be hurt by teenagers tearing up the streets in a stolen vehicle, knowing that for tonight my son and his girlfriend are alive. Knowing that this young disturbed boy will not be hurting anyone tonight. Tonight they will sleep on the hard, cold bench of the law in a jail cell in Shediac after being in an accident, where thankfully no one was hurt, and chased by police with guns and dogs until caught and arrested. Why? Why are these youth in such a mess? What is the driving force that leads them in the wrong direction? What can be done to save them? 

My affirmation today is: I am grateful that my family is safe, I am grateful that even when things look bad, I can see the good. 

Awareness: LSD

LSD or acid, is the drug I have chosen to highlight next. This is a very commonly used drug among youth! It is available in all sorts of forms from small tabs or "microdots", capsules or gelatin squares (blotter paper) or liquid form. LSD causes a serious disconnect from reality. The high is often called a "trip" and can last up to 12 hours long! When things turn to the "dark side" and one experiences a "bad trip", that is a VERY LONG TIME!!! I have personally experienced an acid trip. Well, I pride myself on being honest and truthful, I have experienced many as a youth myself. I have never experienced a "bad trip" but I have experienced others and someone very close to me on a VERY bad trip that lasted a whole night, he was terrified for his life, it was a very scary and horrible experience that I will never forget. I have also known people who have drug induced psychosis and scitzophrenia believed to be caused by LSD. This can turn a one night party into a lifelong living hell. Very risky in my opinion! 

LSD is a very potent hallucinogen, actually the most potent hallucinogen known to man! LSD is 100 times more potent than hallucinogenic mushrooms.

When someone is on LSD their pupils will be very large. They will get a very dry mouth, loss of appetite and will often comment on visual effects such as colors. They will not be able to sleep and there is often, not always paranoia. When someone is on LSD they most often will no be able to distinguish between what is the effect of the drug and what is reality. The effects of LSD are a gamble and can often change based on environment and mood. The person on LSD has impaired judgement and their ability to see common dangers is also impaired.  Most commonly used by youth in grades 7-12.

 Please take the time to talk to your children about this very real , and very scary drug and the possible side effects that can take place and the gamble that one is taking when experimenting with this, or any other drug! Lots more information on LSD and a great video at www.drugfreeworld.org watch it! Watch it with your teenagers!

Most information in this post is from drugfreeworld literature.  

Bleeding Heart

I will admit that one of the things that has triggered my desire to change career paths and work with youth in recovery is my bleeding heart. My heart aches for the pain inside every young addict and believe me, there is pain in every one. I also am painfully aware that where there is a youth with an addiction, there is a parent whose heart aches for that child. My heart also hurts for them because I know that pain, I feel it. I was surfing around Facebook and I check on a few of the kids that I know who did their programs and who have also fallen back into relapse. Yesterday while checking I found a comment that really tugged at my heartstrings and made me realize that these teenagers are at times just so lost. I read the post "what do u do when u got too many problems u can't handle?" This is a young person longing for support, longing for help. He had a conversation with another youth who did their program together who is doing well and he told him to call the rehab. The conversation went on to say that his problems have gotten too big to manage and he realizes he will need help again, there was apology, encouragement and support, fear and sadness. This conversation eats me alive. How many relapsed youth out there having these feelings of despair? How can we reach out and offer help and let them know there are people who care, that they are worthy of help and they CAN do it. Many youth (and adults for that matter) need more than one round of rehab to get the help they need. Relapse isn't failure, it's opportunity to learn, once again, from our mistakes and hope this time to use the new information learned to help us to maintain sobriety/recovery. 

One of the biggest troubles I have seen with youth coming home from residential rehab is trying to find their place in the world, making new, healthy friendships and connections. As a community, we need to offer more support. We need to be more understanding. We need to be more accepting. 

My affirmation for today: I am grateful I am accepting of others challenges, I realize those challenges belong to them but am happy that I am compassionate enough to care and reach out to those in need. 

I would like to once again thank Recovery and Hope Facebook page for agreeing to let me use their beautiful and inspirational photos on my blog. Their Facebook page has 62.2 K likes!!!!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness, at first thought, appears easy. In reality, it is likely that we all hold anger and resentment towards someone else, maybe our addict, or feel resentment & guilt directed inward at ourselves for things that have happened in our past. "Forgiving ourselves and others can be one if the most challenging of all spiritual practices." ~ Mindful Living~ talking about forgiveness meditation. 

According to Mindful Living, there are three parts to forgiveness meditation: Asking for forgiveness from others, granting forgiveness to others who have hurt you and asking and granting forgiveness to yourself for any way that you have hurt yourself. 

The important part of this practice is putting your forgiving intention out into the world regularly. 

For those of us who have an addict to love, there is usually a lot of forgiving to do! In order to set ourselves on our path to recovery we must learn to forgive and let go of these feelings that don't serve us. 

Forgiveness doesn't mean that we accept being treated poorly, stolen from, lied to or abused, it simply means we are releasing ourselves from the bondage that resentment and guilt hold us to. It is about deciding not to be a victim and taking control of our own lives.