MDMA~Ecstasy

Ecstasy is one of the most popular drugs used by youth today. Most users are teens and young adults. The combination of alcohol and ecstasy is very dangerous and can be deadly. This is a scary fact when we think about the population mostly using this drug. This is a drug that has no recognized medical use. Ecstasy is the drug we often hear of associated with raves, known as the "club drug". Ecstasy today may contain many different substances ("from LSD, cocaine, heroin, amphetamine and methaphetamine, to rat poison, caffeine, dog deworming substanceset." Drug Free World The Truth about ecstasy) so the user never really know exactly what they are taking. 

You may commonly hear teens today call it E, love pills, scooby snacks among other 'pet' names. It has a reputation as the "love pill" bacuse it heightens sensations, particularly during sex. One of the many dangers of ecstasy is that it smothers our natural alarm system. Because it is a strong stimulant, giving a feeling of abundant energy, a person can often exceed their natural limitations while on this drug. Dehydration is a common problem with ecstasy use in clubs and raves. This is so much true that there is a harm reduction strategy that bottles of water are given out freely at raves to help reduce the risk of dehydration. There are also some places (I cannot name them at the moment) that will test the drug to tell you if there are harmful chemicals and unwanted components in the pill before taking. (We won't get into this here today, harm reduction has many controversial opinions, we will save that debate for another post:) 

 Ecstasy can cause paranoia, anxiety, confusion, sleep problems, weight loss, nausea and impaired judgement, among many other side effects. 

What can you watch for? Lack of hunger, lots of energy and sleep problems and then sleeping all day, hazy, dazed and confused. Ecstasy is pretty cheap, costing around $5-$10 a pill and even less when bought in bulk. I hate giving my teens lunch money, a $5 bill is all you need for a good high these days. 

Most of the information on MDMA here is from Drug Free World. Please take a peek at their website and today watch the video on ecstasy, a real eye opener. 

Www.drugfreeworld.org

 This picture is borrowed from an Internet search, if you are the owner and do not wish it to be used here, leave me a comment and it will be promptly removed. 

Drug awareness for Parents

I have decided to do a little "Awareness Project". I am going to highlight a couple commonly used and abused drugs (especially by teens)over the next few weeks. I have done some extensive research on drugs, I also have quite a bit of education in addiction (and presently working on a second university course on Youth & Addiction and I have found some great websites and information on the internet. I will attempt to uncover some of the facts and truths about these drugs, what to look for, dangers signs and where to find additional information and help. Stay tuned.... Tomorrow I will blog about MDMA, anyone know what that is? It is WIDELY used by our youth, it is cheap and very easy to locate....

Drawing the line

Oh.... I have had so very much experience with this, unfortunately. As a parent of an addict we are often faced with "opportunities" to draw the line, or worse than that- get the law involved. As a mother, how do we decide to call the police on our own flesh and blood? How are we even expected to ever do this? Well, I have been faced with this decision many times. Actually, I have lost count as to how many times I have had to involve the law:( 

At first, honestly, it was a desperate plea for help, I was sure that the law would help me force my child to get help. It took me awhile to figure out that the law doesn't really help us, in this situation. I should say that I was fortunate enough to have a judge court order my son to a residential rehab but....I have come to learn, that we cannot force our child to get the help we so desperately want them to get and we know they need. When it comes to addiction, getting help has to come from within, only the addict themselves can make that decision. 

After desperately seeking help through the law, I have had to breech my son on his probation many times also. If you have never had to do this, you can't possibly understand how painful this is, please never judge another parent for doing this, or not doing this, it is a very personal decision that is situational and we can't possibly know what is right or what is wrong, at times we are just desperate for some sort of control. I have realized through all that I have been through that the law and the courts aren't really going to help me to get my on the help he needs. My son has often blamed things on my involvement, I don't take on that guilt (most of the time) because he is the one who has done wrong, he is the one who has to suffer the consequences to his actions. All I did was refuse to continue to be a victim. 

 So now my question is: How far do we let them go? When do we get the law involved, when do we turn a blind eye? What, if anything, will get them to realize the consequence of their actions? 

 My new approach, at this point, is to back off. Having my son not living in my home at this time really helps me to distance myself from his behavior. He will suffer the consequences of his actions without my involvement, this puts the responsibility on him, he can't blame things on me anymore. 

 My affirmation today:(Thanks Louise Hay!) "I cannot change another person. I let others be who they are, and I simply love who I am."

Back to the future

Interesting and thought provoking....I was reading a post by Taraleigh of The virtual love fest, talking about time travel. It really started me thinking about my life today. In her post she talked about traveling back in time to January of 2000. Wow, 13 years ago. My oldest would be 4, daughter 2 and youngest not even here yet. Knowing all that I know now, having travelled the journey that I have travelled, would there be things I would change? What, if anything would I do different? 

If I chose not to enter into a relationship around 2002 my  youngest son wouldn't be here, I would never change that, even though that relationship turned out to be painful and complicated. 

If I tried making changes to my oldest's son, changing the things that I feel may have contributed to his addiction, what else would that change about him, about me? About all of us? If it weren't for his addiction and all this crises would I be on the mission I am on and hoping to change the world and recovery for youth with addictions? 

Would I enter a relationship with my husband knowing the tormented road we would travel with my sons addiction or choose to travel this road alone? I would have missed out in my fairy tale wedding in 2011 and all the amazing parts of being married to my soul mate, my Prince Charming. 

When I look back, if I knew what I know now, I would certainly want to try to save my son as much pain as I could, how could I do that? I'm not even really sure. Who knows what else that would change. 

I guess I realize that I am on this journey because this IS my journey. I'm not really sure I would want to re-live some of the pain but that pain has made me passionate about helping others. I guess I still believe that all the suffering my son and my family has experienced is for our greater good, in some strange way. 

My affirmation for today:

I am grateful for all of my experiences that have led me to be the person I am today. 

Being Present

Staying in the moment. Something I think we all strive to do. Seems like such an easy thing, when in reality, I believe it to be very difficult. This is something I have been playing with this summer. REALLY staying present in everything I do. Feeling the joy in the moment. 

 When we have a child who struggles with addiction, this can be very difficult. We worry. When things seem like they are going well, we worry about when the next crisis will happen. When we see our addict and they seem happy, we wonder what they have "planned". It really is hard to stay in the present. We must really let go of fear for this to happen. 

 An affirmation I like about letting go of fears: "I realize that stress is only fear, I release all fears." Louise hay. Today I will stay in the moment. I will rejoice that my life is good. Today my children are safe, happy and healthy. I will not allow fear to take that away. 

 Affirmation : I live the joy in the present moment.

I am taking joy in my little garden today:)

The Fear of perfection

As a parent have you ever thought you had a perfect child? A child who is as sweet as sugar, kind and caring to all, a treasure collector, giving to everyone, full of smiles and laughter that keeps you smiling all the time? To me, those traits are as perfect as perfect gets. I always told my sweet little girl how wonderfully perfect I thought she was. She felt it, she loved being "the perfect child". That is a lot of pressure for a little girl. When we say something it doesn't always come across with the same meaning to the receiver as it has to the person making the statement. As my little girl grew into a teenager, always trying to maintain that "perfect status" became a challenge. She felt that if she didn't keep her popular friends that I would think less of her. Be careful what you say. In no way was I trying to make her feel she needed to 'be' perfect, I always just meant that her soul, her spirit 'is' perfect, perfectly beautiful. 

I guess what I am trying to say is to think carefully about what you say to your children, even the most sincere compliment can be taken differently by the person you are talking to. We all need to be cautious of our words, think before we speak. 

Affirmation for today:

I am proud of my children just the way they are. 

Compassion

I met with Lisa at The John Howard Society yesterday. Our conversation really got me thinking about compassion. Lately I have realized that very few people actually have genuine compassion for people. She was telling me about a letter to the editor of our paper complaining about the number of half way houses in our area and the amount of homeless people or 'beggars" on our streets. I have heard people comment also about the amount of people panhandling on our streets and complaining about a group home in their neighborhood. I find it very ironic when I think about someone complaining that we have too many half way houses and group homes, and in the same breath complaining that there are too many people "littering" our streets. Imagine if we didn't have two half way houses and the few group homes that we do have, imagine how many more people would be required to beg on the street. These group homes and half way houses are in our communities to offer help and hope to those who need it. 

 I think about how many people look at a teenage addict or teen in trouble with the law and wonder why, wonder what went wrong with their family that caused them to act this way? Where did their parents go wrong? It took me a long time to realize that my addict's problems are not my fault. Sometimes there is something within the family that contributed to the problem but most of the time, it is something within that person. I also believe that JUDGEMENT has a lot to do with it. Imagine if you were judged every day because of an illness? Imagine if you were judged every day because you felt pain and didn't know how to cope? Imagine if you were judged every day because circumstances led you to be homeless? Imagine if you were judged every single day and started to believe it yourself? If everyone around you believed that you were worthless, would you think that you are worthy?

 When you see someone sitting on the side of the street, don't be too quick to judge. Imagine if that person were you, or were your child, what would you hope that people would do? What would you hope that people would think? Imagine if a smile could offer some hope, imagine if a helping hand could help break down a wall of judgement built around that person. 

 Take one minute to think about this quote by Dr. Seuess in his book The Lorax: "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not."

If we don't see it, does it still exist?

You know the saying "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Well, I got thinking about this. Makes me think a bit about how messed up the world is and how people choose not to pay attention, does it make the problem go away? As a parent, when my addict was living at home, I knew most things that were happening, I knew when he was high or drunk because I could see it. Now, I don't see him every day, when I talk to him, he seems good, when I do see him, he appears sober. I feel better, I feel more at peace, less stressed all the time. Is this a false sense of security? Maybe. Is it bad that it feels better? Is it horrible that I can have a peaceful and sound sleep at night? I don't think so. Do I worry less? Sometimes I do. I mean I see less trouble, therefore, I am not worried every second of the day. I think, as parents, when our children are gaining independence, we want to know everything they are doing, we worry about all of it. I know thinking back to being a teenager myself, my parents would have been terrified if they knew everything that I was doing, but I did ok. Maybe, it is ok not to know everything. Maybe we have to trust more, trust that they will use the morals, values and skills we have taught them growing up, and when we aren't around to "hear them fall", maybe they will pick themselves up faster, and be stronger because of it.

 My affirmation of the day: I am proud of my children as they overcome their challenges and confidently reach for their dreams.

Letting go of negativity

I am continuously directed to reading books that tell me the same thing: 

The more you hold onto or engage with negativity, the more that negativity will control you. The more positive you feel and act, the more happiness and joy you will experience. 

I guess this message tells us that the harder life is, the more important it will be to think positive and not dwell on the negative. 

When you live with an addict, when you experience life as a mother of a teenager or a young adult who is experiencing difficulty, this is extremely hard. I keep thinking 'what can I do to help, I will do anything I can to try to make life better for my addict and for my family'. Now I am starting to realize that this means I have to break free of these chains of addiction and focus on the positive aspects of my life. 

Today's affirmation:

Today I am enjoying all the joy and beauty in my life and am grateful for all life's little treasures. 

Mother

As a mother I think I can safely say that we just want what is best for our children, that we want to love them and protect them from harm. I have come to realize that being a mother means that we will always, to some degree, be protective. When is being protective considered being over-protective? When is being over-protective considered unhealthy? How do we know when to let our children fall? How do we know when to pick them up? or do we pick them up? Why doesn't being a mother come with a manual? 

 I have been told by my teenagers that I am over-protective. I have come to realize through this journey that I am a controlling person. That I believe that I am only doing what is good and right. Does that make it right? Probably not. Is it too late to learn from my mistakes and give my children room to grow and to breathe? It is NEVER too late. We can't look at anything we do out of love for our children as a mistake. We are only doing our best, out of love. What could my teenagers learn from this experience? I think they can learn that we all make mistakes, that its never to late to change, that in this life, we do our best with what we are given and that we need to feel proud of the good we do. I want them to learn how to realize their mistakes, how to apologize when they feel they acted inappropriatley, how to be humble, how to be forgiving. I guess when I look at this, I can see an opportunity for great growth, for me, as a mother, and for my children. 

I was listening to the song MOTHER by Pink Floyd. I was really listening to the lyrics and thinking about this portrait of an over protective mother:

 We must give our children roots AND wings.

A glass half full

We must train ourselves to look at the glass as half full! (Nan Henderson-Resiliency trainer) 

I am studying resiliency. My take way from last night's conference is that we must change the way we look at a situation. Instead of wondering how our addict has gotten themselves as low as they are, think about what they are doing right, what strengths they must have that has kept them as far from the bottom that they are, how is it that they are doing as well as they are? If they are still alive, they haven't hit rock bottom as far as rock bottom can be, look for those positive character traits, those strengths, point them out and help them to see them and when you see their strengths, reinforce them at every opportunity! 

Resiliency in Action by Nan Henderson

This picture is a message in the sand written by my 15 year old daughter, it says;  When I am older, I will be stronger 

(Lyrics taken from Wavin Flag)

Positive affirmations out to the universe

Saying positive affirmations and sending them out into the universe as what we truly believe is how we heal ourselves and our lives. Me must believe. I am going to write a few blog posts with some examples of positive affirmations I am using in my life. The hardest part of learning this, for me, has been knowing how to phrase my affirmations. These examples can be used by anyone in a similar situation. Every time a negative thought creeps into my mind these will be the two affirmations I will use today:

I believe, trust and expect only the best.

I release all blame and search within myself for the truth. 

Let the Sun Shine in!!!!

Today, I am going to feel the sunshine. Today I am going to allow happiness to win over fear. Today I am going to smile at everyone I see. Today will be wonderful.

 I am in responsible for my happiness, today I will focus on that. Affirmations are powerful. I love Wayne Dyer's "Change you thoughts, change your life" philosophy. We have so much power within ourselves and we still allow fear to control us. 

 I am going to make a point today to change my thoughts every time fear creeps in, every time a negative thought comes to my mind or my lips, I will say " Today I am happy, today I believe only the best is possible"

 For anyone interested in understanding more about affirmations, I highly recommend Louise Hay, her book and audio cd I CAN DO IT are a wonderful place to start. You can get it for under $15 on amazon. I am reading her book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE right now, it is a life changer. I bought the gift set with the dvd and the dvd is really really good!

Unpredictable living

The world of addiction is an unpredictable place. I believe this is in part why, as a parent, we feel so confused. One day there is life & death crisis and the next day, everything seems to be ok. Sometimes this gives us a sense of false security, we think that maybe we imagine the worst and really, everything is ok. Then out of nowhere BAM , the life of unpredictability strikes once again. Maybe it comes from being manipulated for so long or living in denial that keeps us hoping that what we see, or think we see, can't possibly be real. 

I live my life, at this time, hoping for the best every day but trying to be prepared for the worst. This is a hard way to live and it makes trying to generate that positive energy in our world pretty tricky, I know it's possible that we can trick ourselves but can we truly trick the universe? 

I was at a family education group and we did a group relaxation/imagery session. One lady expressed how much she hated it. That when she was picturing her own 'happy place' the audio kept telling her to picture somewhere else. I thought this was interesting. So much like the life we live. We try to imagine a happy place and go about our lives and someone else keeps throwing us into another "picture". I think that the value of guided imagery and visualization is understated and under-used. Through practice we can learn how to retreat to our "happy place" whenever life throws us elsewhere. 

One of my favorites is Max Highstein's healing waterfall. It is available on iTunes. There are lots of others but I have always really loved this one, it is 16 minutes. Give it a try, go to your "happy place". 

Thanks to Recovery and Hope Facebook page for another great photo