I have watched my son grow, turn 18, gain over 20 pounds of healthy weight and muscle, read at least a dozen novels, study his GED, follow rules, make friends, ask questions, defend himself when he feels he is wronged and humbly admit when he has been wrong, I have had long intelligent deep conversations about the past and about the future, laughed and cried, had proud moments, moments of fear, and pretty much experienced the entire spectrum of emotions.
He is ALIVE! That beautiful boy is healthy and growing and living and learning every day. It may not be a perfect scenario but it is the life we get to live this year and thank God, he is alive for it.
Many things have happened and changed for all of us this year and just knowing that he is safe, and his beautiful girlfriend is safely working a program at Portage gives both our families comfort and hope for the future.
Personally, I have been on a journey too, a journey of deep self discovery. I have learned that I don't have control, that I never did, nor will I ever have control over my sons addiction or behaviour. I work daily on speaking and living my own truth and getting stronger every day in hopes to shine as a bright and steady guiding light for my children, no matter what journey we travel. I haven't touched a single "substance" myself for over 6 months and when fear enters my mind and my life, I face it head on instead of running from it.
Strange that if we allow our experiences, no matter how difficult, to teach us what they have come into our lives to teach, we can grow beyond our wildest dreams.
Do I still experience fear and uncertainty? Absolutely! Every day! Is my life perfect? Well, the only way I get to spend time with my three children together is to be locked in a room in a jail, so I guess perect is not how I would describe that, but beautiful does come to mind. This past year has taught me how to be grateful, accepting and honest, how to let go and how to really love my children. This year has given me hope and I have faith that every little thing is going to be ok.
"The sun is always shining, sometimes you just have to look past the clouds to see it." Author unknown
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