Uncertainty

This is so much harder than I expected. The not knowing. I lie here in bed wondering if he is ok,if he is home, if he ate anything yesterday. I go about my days, doing my thing, not knowing how he is doing. It's really an uneasy feeling. I keep trying to be positive, in some way pretending, pretending that he is managing his life, eating meals, looking for a job. Is he? Maybe. I know how much money he has, none. I know how much food he has, not much, I know what his priorities are.....I am trying to stay positive, hopeful. I'm scared to death. 

I just keep reminding myself that this is necessary. That there really is nothing I can do right now, and that the more I do, the worse it will be. I tell him I love him, I get him a few groceries, when he will let me, I had him home for supper for a whole 45 minutes until his "priorities" came calling. At least he ate. I know he had a meal 36 hours ago. 

Well I need to believe that everything happens as it is supposed to happen, that he is on the journey he is meant to be on, that all of this will lead him to something wonderful and the life he is meant to live. 

My ten year old and I were saying his prayers last night and he said " I added something...." I asked him to share, this is what he told me "I prayed that if my brother doesn't get back on his feet soon that he would go to the recovery house at the homeless shelter we visited and stay for a year and get better." -You can't tell me that my ten year old didn't learn something from our homeless experience this past weekend!