It can't rain forever

Sometimes it feels like the torment of addiction may never end. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. At a family group I attend the others confronted me with their concern and advice to let go. I mean make that dreaded decision to tell my son that I am done with this addiction and won't tolerate his addictive behaviors in my life any longer. That it is time to tell him I will always be here to love him and help him when he is ready for help but until that time I have to close the door on the addict. 

As I sat listening I felt a part of me was dying, screaming inside, I know this is true, I know it's time, it has been time for a long while now. 

I don't know if I am strong enough, I don't know if I'm brave enough, I'm not sure if my faith is strong enough to pull me through this torture. I feel as though someone has their hand down my throat and is pulling my heart out of my chest. I can't breath. 

Nothing I've tried has worked. I'm not sure if I can stand the pain of him feeling truly alone. What if he doesn't make it? 

A lot of the time I feel he is already gone. 

My affirmation: I believe in miracles, I am grateful for the strength that will help me through this. 

Photo credit: recovery & hope Facebook page