See me, Hear me

I've taken up meditation practice. Something I have been putting effort into for quite some time but have always found it very difficult to "quiet the noise" inside my head and my heart in order to focus. I have had a bit of success over the past few weeks. In the quiet of my 'thoughtful' time, I have been asking for some guidance as to what to do and how to help my son through his addiction and recovery. All of a sudden, it came to me. Through my realization lately that I can't control this, I can't make this all better. I can't make my son choose the life I want for him, I can't make him walk away from drugs and that dark life. I have realized that what my son is saying to me is " See ME, hear ME". As hard as it is to step back and allow him to take control of his own life and his own destiny and make his own mistakes, this is what I must do.
I don't know what he thinks, how he feels, what he wants. I do know that his journey down this dark path may be far from over. I do know that I need to take care of me, I need to take care of my little one, my daughter, my relationship with my husband. I need to learn to listen better. I need to really 'see' who my son is, who he wants to be, I need to accept that I can't change whatever that is. I need to listen, I need to accept, I need to step back and allow him to be, whoever it is he thinks he wants to be. I need to allow him to suffer the consequences of his bad choices, if that is necessary. I need to stop feeling guilty. I need to stop wishing I could heal whatever pain he is suffering inside, his loneliness. He has packaged his feelings up so tightly inside that he may never let me in. I need to accept that I have done, and am doing, everything I can, or could possibly do. Now I need to see him for who he is. Not for the child and the person I hoped he would be. 

Phot credit: Recovery and hope Facebook page.