A change of heart

I have decided to take a different stand. I am absolutely powerless over my son's addiction, of this, I have become painfully aware. I have always been aware of this but I have really had problems giving up trying to control his addiction. I will no longer try to convince my son to get help or offer solutions to help his addiction. I will not accept him home unless he gets help but I will not be trying to convince or help him anymore.
Wow! What a free feeling! I know it won't be easy but I really feel ready. He IS NOT ready to accept help nor does he want it, not in any way at all. I have come to realize that he will not do anything according to someone else's 'plan', that if I cut him out of my life and wait for him to reach out for help and rehab, that may actually just push him further away from the help we all know he needs. I am accepting this decision. Now he will need to work to get himself a place to live, a job and work at trying to figure out what he wants and how to get it. I hope to be a part of his life, I will help him where I can and have him in my life, our life, as long as he is trying to manage his life, his way and not living on the street. I will be here to direct him to help, if he ever chooses that, but I am accepting today that I will no longer be expecting life with him to be as I had planned or I had pictured, life will be different.
Who knows, maybe without all the pressure and without living under the same roof, maybe things will work themselves out, we can hope. So the new improved plan at this time will be to step back and out of the picture, let him choose what he wants and make his own plans, accept that he may fall, accept that things may get worse before better, or maybe things will be different than we all expect. I will accept not to expect.
For today, I am accepting that I have no control over his life, I am accepting that he will make decisions on his own, I am accepting that he will no longer live with me, I am accepting that I only have control over my life and I am choosing that I will work at being happy and work at having peace in my life.
Today is about acceptance and freedom.