I have been telling my son that he cannot come home unless he gets help. What I have been doing wrong is I still talk to him almost every day. He is really really good at manipulating me and I think that I am saying he can't come home and he keeps hearing "maybe, there is a chance if...".
I am told that I have to allow him to feel complete loneliness and despair in order for him to make the choice for real help. I know this is true. As a mother, just the thought of him suffering complete and total loneliness and hurt scares me to death. Literally. This IS life or death. Ouch. I have to allow this pain, and trust me, I will be suffering as much pain as he is at this time, this will be his bottom. He has pushed everyone else away (except a girl that may still give him a little hope that he can carry on with life like this).
To me, this is so risky. What if he gives up? He is depressed already, if he feels really alone, scared and desperate, what if he doesn't make it? Then, of course, what if I don't make this move? He probably won't make it much longer. He is a shell of a person, he desperately just wants to disappear won't show emotion or pain, sadness or remorse. he hasn't taken responsibility for any of this, he still blames me. Its time, I know this is it, time for me to make this move. My hardest move ever.
Photo credit: Recovery and Hope Facebook page
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Hello Trish,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want you to know you are not alone. Separating ourselves from loved ones who are still in active addiction is heart wrenchingly difficult. And there is always someone out there that will tell us we did the wrong thing, or accuse us of not caring.
And, sometimes our emotional pain gets so great that we separate because we have to, and in the process, it turns out we did the best thing for our loved one.
Love is hard, and that is why the only way we can truly love is by listening to God and learning love from Him.
Let's talk some more about it: addicttoaddictnet@gmail.com.
Love, Sally
Thank you for taking the time to write a comment. It is so hard. It is the only way. I see that.
ReplyDeleteYours in Recovery,
Trish
Well Trish, I can feel you "Pain" in your words, but, as you know deep in your Heart, you just have to stick to a RED LINE....Yes, when it is your Child it is difficult, but you can afford to enable him or it just prolongs his choice to get help and live a better way of life. You and your family are in my prays...Catherine Lyon
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