I try hard every day to be positive, to detach with love, to understand that I am powerless over another persons addiction and to keep hopeful. I have tried to stop talking about my sons addiction and focus on the small steps he is taking to move forward. The problem is that it's impossible to heal overnight. Trust isn't built over a short period of time and deep hurt and pain don't just go away. Having said all that, neither does addiction. A wonderful 'recovery friend' of mine has mentioned that surrendering to a higher power was necessary for him, that the support of a 12 step group was necessary for his honest recovery. I agree. I think these things are vital to the recovery of a parent also. Let go and let God. That is powerful. It doesn't have to be religious, if religion isn't your belief, your higher power is a recognition of something bigger than yourself. A support group, the universe, whatever feels right for you.
I'm terrified. I have had signs that my sons dark journey is not yet over. He has two weeks left in the group home, I'm scared to go 'back there', back to that loneliness, the fear for his daily safety, the fear of his criminality, fear for his life. I fear for my daughters recovery, my little one's feelings of safety and I fear for all of us.
I know I am not alone but sometimes I feel like I am in a room full of lonely people walking aimlessly searching for answers, a room where there are no answers, only more questions, more uncertainty. We are all looking for the same thing, hope.
Al anon and Nar Anon groups are highly recommended for families of addicts. Smart recovery also offers family support groups online. If you are a family suffering addiction, find a support group today.
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Hello Trish, I'm so inspired by you and your honest sharing of how you feel. Fear is a "Devil" word to me! There is not good or positive about it, that is how god describes it in the bible. If you let fear in, you need to "Let it back OUT"...lol...and remember, all that your doing for YOU & the rest of your family is what is important now. YES, it hurts like heck to have to see someone you love go down a dark and slippery path, but as many of us in your recovery family knows, as you know....the Surrender has to be his choice alone, and to WANT IT for himself. I'm a firm, faithful, believer that GOD has our Life Journey planned far in advance, even before we are born. I know, because I was like your Son. I made happen to give to surrender and seek recovery from my destructive disease, but not until I lost almost everything, including myself & almost my 24yr marriage, was arrested and sat in a jail for Theft & Forgery, but I am Living Proof that how far down we are, we can turn our lives around, get better and recover. It's called 2nd chance. God sent his SON to die for all mine, yours, and your sons sins, and have a new life where we can help others and do good in this world. I feel in my heart your sons path will play out, and I feel in my heart & faith he will get through this, it just takes time. Don't let fear dominate your life, your WORTH MORE THEN THAT!! Blessings & Hugs!*Cathy Lyon* PS....I shared your post on my blog today, it was powerful!! http://catherinelyonaddictedtodimes.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Cathy! I know in my heart that things will work out too, I have faith and hope. It is still just so painful when you are in the middle.
ReplyDeleteYours in recovery,
Trish