My Mood~Your Mood~My Life

I have often said that when my addict is up, I am up, when my addict is down, I am down. I feel like I have grown so much over the past few years. A quote from a 'must read' book for anyone with addiction in their family : Addict in The Family by Beverly Conyers. "My mood depends on how well she is doing, I can gauge her state of mind within five seconds of seeing her or talking to her on the phone. If things are okay, I can feel my mood lighten. If she's not having a good day, my spirits sink. It's like we are attached at the hip. When she cycles up, I cycle up. When she cycles down, I cycle down." 

This scenerio is so familiar to families suffering addiction. Kind of ironic though as we learn that if our addict is in active addiction, most of their "up" days are days they are using and the "down" days are days when they are not. Now, most of my "mood swings" happen when there is crisis. So as long as there is no really big crisis happening, I am really okay. I know as hard as I try, I still go through most days hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I think it is a defense mechanism that keeps me from losing my mind when there is crisis. 

 As parents of addicts we are usually obsessed with our child's addiction. Finding it hard to think about, or talk about, anything else. Even my daughter, who is her own treatment, spends a lot of her time thinking about and doing therapy trying to figure out how to help her brother. Addiction is such a selfish disease. If only they knew and understood how much we care and how much pain their actions are causing the people who love them most, if only...