Fear & Uncertainty

I am not sure if the title for this post is very accurate. I am experiencing fear....uncertainty, I am not so sure. I am certain that once again, very soon, I will most likely experience more crisis with my son. How can I be certain about this? Well, this is becoming my new normal. 

I think that if I had to pick the crisis I have the hardest time dealing with, in this world of addiction in which I live,it would be when my son is living on the street. That is definitely the hardest and most stressful, where we experience the most fear. I am pretty certain we are about to experience this most dreaded event once again. A 15 & a 17 year old living together and spending all their time together is not an easy situation, now add drugs to the picture, not good. I am expecting that my son will be kicked out of his girlfriend's mothers place any day. This will, once again, put him on the street and homeless. I am terrified. Not only am I terrified for what he will experience, where he will go, and how long it will take him to get in the shape he was in last winter on the street, where I felt he was close to death at 124 pounds. I am terrified for what it will do to my daughter, what it will do me and to my family. How will we survive this terrible fate once again? He has no phone now so I will have no way to reach him or know where he is. Does he deserve to stay at his girlfriend's mothers? Absolutely not. With very few rules and total freedom, these two young addicts can barely manage. She isn't going to school, he isn't looking for work. They don't clean up after themselves and terrorize her twelve year old brother while her mother is at work. They steal anything they can get their hands on and spend their days high and, I assume, selling drugs. This is a nightmare.

 I find myself, once again, hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, the law will help. Maybe at his court date in October he will receive a sentence of some type of custody. I find it is crazy that I am hoping for a custody sentence, I believe this may be the only thing to save his life. What mother hopes that their seventeen year old son has to go to jail? Well, It is a mother that is praying that her son see his eighteenth birthday.

 My affirmation for today: I have faith that things will resolve themselves in the best way possible.

Photo credit: Recovery and hope Facebook page