Youth Rehab~statistics revealed

I was recently at a family meeting in our local youth drug rehabilitation Center. There were comments made that, quite honestly, made me throw up in my mouth a little. 

I heard this director of pramming telling this room full of hopeful parents and their hopeful recovering young addicts that over 80%of youth who stay connected to the program after transitioning will remain clean and sober. Wow!!! I could feel this feeling of ️hope restored throughout the room. That sounds amazing. I'm sitting in my chair, starting to clench my fists, as I feel that maybe I am the only person here who doesn't live in this fantasy world he is talking about. Just two short years ago my watched my own 16 year old come home and relapse after 11 days, hard. He relapsed along side about a dozen other boys from his program, some who transitioned (completed the 6 month residential treatment) some who did not. From that program I think I know of 2 -3 boys who actually stayed sober in recovery (out of aprox 33). 

So when I decided to really listen to what was being said, REALLY LISTEN, I heard something that made a bit more sense.,

That 80% of sober youth in recovery he spoke about, that is NOT 80% of youth who walk in the door, or 80% of youth who work the program, or even 80% of youth who complete the program and transition, it is 80% of the ones who complete, transition AND go back regularly for back in touch. For a realistic picture, I sure would like to know what percentage of kids who go for treatment fall into that category, because my guess, from a parent who has personally been through this program 3 times and s few more with close personal friends, I'm guessing it is maybe 5%. I'm guessing. 

So let's now talk about what addictions kids go to treatment for and how this affects who is most likely to recover. 

If you have a teen who goes to rehab for a pot smoking addiction why is it more likely they will recover and stay sober? Well, let's start with What is addiction? Any behaviour that causes negative consequences in our life and we continue anyways. Is pot an actual addiction? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Should youth go to rehab when they are only smoking  pot? Well, let's ask these questions; are they stealing money to support their habit? Going to school? Disrespecting curfews or even couch surfing? Lost motivation for everything except hanging with friends or playing video games or just "chilling

 ? Smoking pot IS an addiction and trust me, if it is at this point where they can't go to school or be around people without being high, they need help. Can some people smoke pot their whole life and never need help ? ABSOLUTELY!! But this is not everyone, are there negative consequences that are impacting their life due to smoking pot? That is the question. 

So, when a youth is smoking pot, probably stealing $5-10-20 bucks from moms purse, maybe daily, stealing tools from dad to make homemade pipes, maybe skipping school, maybe fighting with anyone who gets in their way of smoking pot, losing ambition for anything, we see there is s problem that needs to be dealt with. If they go to rehab and realize this addiction now, they see how pot is interfering with their life and they can stop, remain sober. They already know how dangerous other, more serious drugs are and they now know that they cant even use the seemingly most harmless one, they have a damn good chance,  in my opinion. 

Now let's take a kid with a serious addiction to multiple drugs, maybe started with pot, and now will use LSD or Molly periodically but has a REAL addiction to crack or speed or even opiates. This kid is needing money for their drug, now they have progressed from needing the $20 each day to maybe needing $200/day or more :( Not many kids are going to be able to steal that amount of money from moms purse! So they start stealing stuff in the house that can be sold, or stealing from stores, or more dangerously, dealers. Now when someone gets in their way of using their drug, they don't just get mad, they get violent. They have already dropped out of school. This has become serious, and most often criminal  behaviour is a serious problem. If we take this kid and get them to rehab, can they stop using? Yup!! But....what often happens is this:when they get out, if they make it that long, smoking pot is NOTHING for them! Their addiction was SO much worse, even their parents can see that! So smoking pot seems so ok. At first. This is where the term "gateway drug" comes into play. They need money for their habit, often getting lazy and it remaining inconsistent to their schedules and recovery. This person has a SERIOUS ADDICTION and NEEDS consistency to stay off their most serios drug of choice. Now what? They slip. and before you can even realize what has happened, they are right back where they started, and so are you! 

So what do we need in recovery? 

No using of drugs ! ANY drugs! No matter what!

A plan! A detailed plan of what their day looks like, supports if they get into trouble, what activities they can do if bored, this plan often needs to be in writing! 

They need support, either through rehab, meetings, groups or online chat rooms, or maybe all of the above! They NEED TO BE HONEST!! They need to feel safe enough to be honest with people close to them. 

They need to be consistent! Daily structure needs to be consistent! 

They need to be determined and to find something they are passionate about, they need to figure out who they are and what they want in their lives. They need faith, a lot of faith, and so do we!!! 

A day in the life...

Sometimes it feels like everything has changed and anything is possible. 

Sometimes it feels like we keep walking the same path and FEAR sets in and I feel terrified that everything will be the same.

I can't go back there.

Please shine a light on our path, lead us out of this darkness.

You are worthy of a better life!

Yesterday I sat in on a case conference with my son, probation officer, program director of detention centre, social worker and admissions director of Portage. This was one of the proudest moments of my life as a mother, and possibly the most life altering moments for my son. 

Yesterday my son heard, for the first time in years, others saying what I have been saying all along, things that he doesn't believe, or hasn't believed in many years; You ARE enough, you ARE intelligent, YOU are strong enough and you CAN do this, we are PROUD of the changes we see. These are words I say often, but because I am his mother, he doesn't really always believe them to be true. But.....when a probation officer who he hears saying " what you are doing and the changes you have made is what all of us hear today work for every day, you should be proud, this is a proud moment for all of us here." Those words hold power, they can hold the power to help someone believe that they are worthy of a better life, that they are capable of making change that will bring that better life and not only is it possible but others believe it WILL happen! 

Yesterday as I sat and heard these words, and the social worker tell him how intelligent he is, and why, I saw him smile, bow his head in slight embarrasment but I saw a glimmer of pride, and of hope. Maybe hearing these words he will start to believe it too! 

6 months later...

Well it's been 6 months now that my son is confined within the walls of a youth detention center. In some ways it has been the best 6 months in a long time, and in other ways, some of the lonliest. 

I have watched my son grow, turn 18, gain over 20 pounds of healthy weight and muscle, read at least a dozen novels, study his GED, follow rules, make friends, ask questions, defend himself when he feels he is wronged and humbly admit when he has been wrong, I have had long intelligent deep conversations about the past and about the future, laughed and cried, had proud moments, moments of fear, and pretty much experienced the entire spectrum of emotions. 

He is ALIVE! That beautiful boy is healthy and growing and living and learning every day. It may not be a perfect scenario but it is the life we get to live this year and thank God, he is alive for it. 

Many things have happened and changed for all of us this year and just knowing that he is safe, and his beautiful girlfriend is safely working a program at Portage gives both our families comfort and hope for the future. 

Personally, I have been on a journey too, a journey of deep self discovery. I have learned that I don't have control, that I never did, nor will I ever have control over my sons addiction or behaviour. I work daily on speaking and living my own truth and getting stronger every day in hopes to shine as a bright and steady guiding light for my children, no matter what journey we travel. I haven't touched a single "substance" myself for over 6 months and when fear enters my mind and my life, I face it head on instead of running from it. 

Strange that if we allow our experiences, no matter how difficult, to teach us what they have come into our lives to teach, we can grow beyond our wildest dreams. 

Do I still experience fear and uncertainty? Absolutely! Every day! Is my life perfect? Well, the only way I get to spend time with my three children together is to be locked in a room in a jail, so I guess perect is not how I would describe that, but beautiful does come to mind. This past year has taught me how to be grateful, accepting and honest, how to let go and how to really love my children. This year has given me hope and I have faith that every little thing is going to be ok. 

"The sun is always shining, sometimes you just have to look past the clouds to see it." Author unknown

I am a proud mama

I am beyond proud. Every time I speak with my son, my heart glows with pride, relief, love and hope. He is shining. He really is. He is walking a path of recovery and growth. As I walk my own path of recovery and mend some really deep wounds, I am able to see my son grow. This is the journey I have been waiting for, for a very long time. 

My family is healing, we are all living life and feeling joy. I am grateful. 

Recovery of a family

I'm not sure my family has been able to honestly say that we are in recovery until now. My family is healing, finally. 

Our visit with my son yesterday was beautiful. He looks amazing, healthy, peaceful. He is truly seeking himself. Reading books of his choosing. Going to meetings, groups, even church by his own choosing. The reason I say it is his choice is that I have always tried to control his recovery, I still do to a certain degree. I will admit that bribing often came into play as well. I bring him two books for him to choose one each visit, but I choose the books. There are a couple books that he has read already in his stay that I did not choose. Books about New Brunswick men who spent time in jail and turned their lives around. I see a difference in him, a big one. Well how would that not be possible? In 5 weeks he has studied his GED every day after not being in school for 2 years! He has read 5 novels, attended meetings and church, gained 40 pounds, attends the gym and grew an inch! I am so proud of his growth so far. I am feeling more comfortable every day to step back and trust. He is doing it on this own. 

Ironic how things work out. My family has been so much in these past few years, but especially this year. Now when things are finally starting to settle and I can feel the crisis lift, I find out that my brother is sick. It makes me question why? Why do we have to face yet another crisis? I can allow myself to really fall apart but I have to remember that everything happens for a reason, this was already in the plans. There has to be a bigger plan here. I will remain hopeful and positive that things will work out, that we can all handle this turbulent journey with strength and faith. 

Thought for the day: I am grateful for beautiful change that happens when I trust others to follow their dreams. 

Breathe in the peace

How strange it is. How strange that now that my son is in custody and there is nothing I can do to change that, there is peace, there really is. 

I have to remind myself every day to stay present, not to let my thoughts get out of control. If I stay present I see that things are as they need to be, I find joy, peace and pride in my beautiful phone conversations, almost daily, with my son, I can see and feel the extreme crisis we were living melting away like wax melts as a candle burns. 

Every time my phone rang when my son was in portage or open custody, my heart skipped a beat, the anxiety would mount, knowing that our conversation would be one of distress, panic, what do I do? How can you help me? Please fix this I can't handle it. The really bizarre thing is that I don't get that now. When the calls started, every call, I expected the same thing. Waited for it. When I asked "How was your day?" I just expected the crises to come up, the desperation for help, for me to of do something to fix this. It hasn't happened. At all. Every day he tells me he has had a good day, going to school, working on his ged, reading his book, going to the gym. He has gone from 6'3" and 118 pounds going in to 160 pounds in a month. He is peaceful and rested, not spinning all the time, not searching, he is accepting, maybe for the first time ever. 

My son is not only alive, he is living!!! Thank God. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I have never been more proud of him! I miss him so much, it really hurts, but....I am getting him back. When I talk to him, it's HIM! He is coming back to us! He is finding himself again and as much as I miss his physical presence I am so grateful for his "return". The "addict" is fading away and my son is shining through again. It's been a long time, it's so good to talk to him. 

Today I am going to remember to breathe. Enjoy snd accept this peace. My son is finding his own way back to us, this detour is absolutely necessary for his journey home.